Editing Ministry of Education Head (Domenica)

Dear Diary,

As Ontario’s reigning Minister of Education since 2027, in the current year of 2032, I can confidently declare that the face of education in Ontario has never looked better. The vote in 2029 allowing students and parents to choose entirely in-person or at-home study was so overwhelmingly in favour of at-home study, that our government mandated online learning for all. I am a humble man, but I must say, I am the best thing that has happened to Ontario's education system in years! The statistics speak for themselves; ever since online learning was mandated, accounts of physical violence and verbal altercations among youth have plummeted along with cases of teen pregnancies. Cases of viruses like the flu, COVID-19, and RSV have drastically decreased through the elimination of the cesspools we once called schools. Even the economy is booming; with the elimination of so many teachers by AI instructors, the government is saving millions by only having to pay proctor’s salaries, not teachers’. Not only is the AI free, but it does a better job of individualising the mode of instruction for each student than a single teacher ever could. English Language Learners are flourishing in school because the AI automatically translates the curriculum-mandated lessons to their language of choice and can quickly rephrase lessons and instructions that remain unclear to the student. AI works for the students and with the curriculum and in the incredibly unlikely chance that they still don’t understand what the AI teaches them, online learning forces students to become resourceful to find the answer to their questions online. Resourcefulness is an integral quality in preparing students for the workforce, which, after all, is the entire purpose of school. 
The biggest pushback against my online learning strategy has been overly concerned helicopter parents worried about their children’s screen time; my education strategy keeps children safe, at home, and out of trouble. Not to mention, cyberbullying among students has probably gone way down since these kids don’t even turn their cameras on most of the time. Plus, the proctors monitor all online activity, so why would a student even dare to step out of line? With all of the wonders I have achieved as Minister of Education, why would anyone have any reason to complain? Back in the 70s when I was in school, I hated it, got bullied, and couldn’t wait to leave. I can’t count all of the times I got picked on and beaten up by the buffoons I had the displeasure of calling my peers. These children should be thanking me for sparing them the abuse I had to endure. The kids who complain about wanting to go to in-person school don’t even know how lucky they have it or realize all the ways I’m looking out for them. Plus, if they want friends so badly they should just find other ways to make them because that is not the purpose of school. School is for learning information and preparing for the workforce, and the sooner these complainers understand that the sooner they will prosper in our cutting-edge 2032 society.

- Reginald Fairfield, Minister of Education in Ontario, 2023