The Challenge to Perfection: Becky

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The following is transcribed from a journal of a student, Becky, that fell victim to the Uppities drug. Permission for publication was granted from her parents in hopes it will educate others.

Becky's journal; the journal doubled as a place where she would write some notes from her other school subjects

Journal

October 22, 2059

this is my first entry. jane suggested that i start writing a journal to document and reflect back on it in the future to help with my anxiety, so here i am. Imagine the city just started watching what i wrote too? lmao

i guess the reason why i went to jane was because I only got a 74 on my last biology test. these marks won’t let me get into a good pre-med program, and if i don’t become a doctor after all that, my life will be ruined. idk wtf is going on with me. i used to have a 90 average last year, which is the bare minimum, but i just blank out when I write tests now.

i just need to do better.

October 29, 2059

i just finished my test and i think i bombed it. i couldn't fkn remember anything during the test. i just keep staring at it. i’ll be lucky if i got an 80 on this test. omfg i hope my mom doesn’t find any of my recent tests, idek how she’d react. this isn’t how i imagined my senior year.

i need to do better.

November 1, 2059

i just talked to jane today about my last test and fkn she suggested to try meditating for 30 minutes?! like who has time for that bro? i could literally be using that time to review my other shi. like, i’ll try but i’d rather use that time to study more. i can’t afford to fail, especially since report cards are coming out in 2 weeks- i wanna finish with at least a 95 this year!

November 3, 2059

sorry i’ve been so busy lately. i have to attend this dinner with my parents over the weekend but like idek why IIII have to go. like all i’m expected to do is just sit there and act happy. like god forbid someone catches me without a smile or looking unpresentable and suddenly our family’s reputation is down the drain. but anyway i gotta go back and catch up with my studies. i feel like maybe if i told my parents about wanting to study they’d let me but idek, i don’t want them to worry.

November 8, 2059

yesterday i was talking to jane cause the meditating is NOT working. she told me to do YOGA POSES lmao i’ll try looking it up when i have more time but girl the mid-term report cards are coming out soon

November 12, 2059

yayy i had my chem test today and i think i did good! i finished early! it feels SO GOOD. just for that, imma actually do a few yoga poses lmao. maybe i’ll even let myself have some candy. actually scratch that, i’m gonna save it for when my report card comes in. i can’t just reward myself for evveerryy thing…

November 15, 2059

i got a 90. i actually have no words. wtf are my parents going to think? i’m so fkn screwed…

November 18, 2059

my parents flipped when they saw it. my overall average was like an 86. they just kept telling me how i’m gonna to be useless in the future and that i’m going to ruin THEIR reputation. i just want to give up. i wish wasn’t born in this family. maybe then i wouldn’t have to try to hard.

November 22, 2059

i talked to jane today and she told me my test scores might have to do with some inability to concentrate. she gave me this book about focus and stress but idek if i can read it, i have a biology test soon…

November 29, 2059

omg hi sorry for the random timeskip but i got perfect on my biology test! i’m so happy and i can’t wait to show my parents. tbh i gotta give it to jane, i saw her right before my bio period and she gave me some pills that made me lock in. it’s like those pills made me remember everything!

December 4, 2059

jane and i met after school; she told me there was an edgewalker tutor that could help. kinda sussed at first but it turns out he’s the one that gave her the pills. he kept pushing me to buy and i ended up giving in. honestly my fault, i should know not to go anywhere with barely any cameras. i’m not even gonna take them. i can’t let my parents find out.

December 9, 2059

i failed another test. wtf is actually wrong with me, i study all day and i still can’t remember shi. i don’t even like science! why did BOTH of my parents have to be doctors?

December 12, 2059

i took a pill before one of my tests.

i walked into the classroom, and was blanking tf out so i asked to go to the bathroom. i never took the pills out of my jacket pocket. i took them, walked back into class, took a few deep breathes, and all the info just flooded back into me.

i swear i’ll only take them for a few more tests, maybe just sciences, get a good final report card, get into uni, and be happy.

December 18, 2059

i got a perfect score on that test from last week! i’m so happy to see my hard work paying off. i showed my parents and they told me they were happy to see some improvement.

i might sneak some candy tonight :)

January 16, 2060

winter break ended and i got another perfect test back! the other students are inviting me to their exam practice dates! these little magical pills are the best. UofT, here i come! i find myself studying less and doing more relaxing (in my room of course; can’t have my parents see lmao)

January 29, 2060

ANOTHER 100%! AHAHAH <3 <3

February 26, 2060

im so f*cked i think my grades are gonna start slipping like im sweating and my heart is pounding and idek what wrong i literally took 2 pills before my test and it still came back below 95 like im actually so screwed what about my other courses?

im gonna ask jane for some other pills or something cause i think the stuff i got last time is defected or something idfk

February 27, 2060

jane was pushing me to lay off the pills like wtf ur literally the one who gave it to me? i thought she was my bestfriend. guess i was wrong.

shes supposed to be on MY side? she was all like “maybe we need to start studying more again i can come over becky” OFC YOU WANNA COME OVER thats all people want from me! to check out my cool house and look good to my parents im actually so sick of her traitorous butt

March 3, 2060

fk jane i literally went to get the stuff myself. the others at the study sessions are starting to look at me funny. i just need these while i study so they know im a good student. and for when i take the test. and so i can go to UofT. how can i take over the clinic if i dont go there? their degrees and doctorates and shi hang over me like some looming shadow and like maybe once i have my own itll all be ok.

just a couple more years of school and ill be free.

Final Note

The following is a note from the student’s mother. She has left it in her daughter’s journal in the hopes that when she wakes up, she can read it.

Rebecca,

Hi sweetie. I’m happy you’re awake. If you don’t see us, don’t worry. Your father and I are likely just in the clinic.

You’ve been asleep for a while honey. I’m so sorry your father and I gave you so much pressure. You don’t have to be a doctor to make us proud, there’s nothing wrong with being an engineer or a lawyer. I just wish you had told us, we could have gotten you a tutor or mentor! You know we have plenty of connections!

If you’re wondering why you’re here, it’s because of the medication you were on. I’m not sure where you got them from, but they’re essentially ADHD medication laced with all sorts of things a young girl like you shouldn’t be taking. You’re such a bright girl, you should have known not to take things like that!

I’m sorry but your father and I read your journal. We’re talking to the authorities about Jane and this tutor, and they are looking into the matter. We will make sure they and their families feel the full extent of the Ministry of Reformation.

I love you, Rebecca. We visit you every night to check on you, so when you read this, know that you are never alone.

Mom