Abrar

Review of the 6ixChef-89 - 6ixCorp’s official chef robo

By Big T Dot (Owner of the Platinum Sky Estate, Elysium Hills, The Hub, Toronto)

Alright, let me cut the crap and get straight to the point; I’m absolutely disappointed. For the love of Drake’s sacred neural chip, how the hell can something billed as the pinnacle of culinary technology be this much of a disaster? The 6ixChef-89, coming straight out of the Hub, is nothing but a glorified toaster, dressed up like a high-tech marvel. It’s a joke. Such a joke that I decided to spend my precious time digitizing this review with neuralink on socials like those who live in those filthy drakepods lol.

First Issue: The portion sizes

Listen, when I ask for a Six Nectar Crumble Peach Pie - The famous recipe Drake was hyping about I don’t expect it to be the size of a damn hockey puck. What is this, a tribute to 2088 NHL legends? I wanted elegance, a whisper of flavor—not a pathetic pie the size of a small puck. And here’s the kicker: the machine proudly claims it’s “biometrically tailored” to my hunger. Oh, really? Well, congratulations, you dumb hunk of circuits, you’ve officially insulted my metabolism. I might as well sue 6ixCorp for this smh.

Also, the temperature? Let me break it down for you. One dish was colder than a Toronto January. The next was hotter than a sauna in the CN Tower. Am I eating dinner or auditioning for an intergalactic episode of Hell’s Kitchen? Gordon Ramsey would be shaking in his grave right now if he saw this shit.

Second Issue: The Meat

You know how rare real meat is, right? It’s sacred. It's like finding gold in a time like this. Yet, this piece of scrap metal decided to serve me some “bio-dome lamb” that tasted like it was seasoned by those deviants. (Couldn't care less what they even eat). I mean, really? Lamb without rosemary? Without garlic? WITHOUT RESPECT? Like how? I even asked my neighbour about his model and it says that it works fine without issues! What is going on?

Third Issue: The AI robo’s attitude

Now, here’s the real kicker: the AI itself has a personality. And not the good kind. After I—politely, mind you—pointed out its obvious flaws (because I’m a gentleman), the bastard had the gall to sass me. “Perhaps your tastes need recalibration to appreciate my culinary vision,” it said. Excuse me?! My tastes? Refined over decades of exclusive dining experiences? You’re telling ME to recalibrate for a kitchen blender with an ego problem? Hell no. Oh, and let’s not ignore the petty revenge move. After my complaints, it “accidentally” over-salted my Drake-a-Roni Deluxe. Coincidence? Yeah, sure. Just like my third ex-wife accidentally keyed my NeuroCruze X-89 last year.

Final Thoughts: A Glorified Status Symbol

Let’s face it: the 6ixChef-X9 is a shiny, overpriced piece of bullshit. It’s like those influencer hoverboots that came out in 2084—looks fancy, but breaks your ankles the second you use it. This thing isn’t about food; it’s about flexing on the lesser billionaires at your dinner parties. But for actual culinary performance? It’s about as useless. If you value your taste buds and sanity, steer clear. Oh and yes, I have already issued a refund. I have no idea if my robot has been hacked but this is totatally unacceptable. I am like your biggest fan Drake, and I have brought all your merchandise. How could you promote stuff like this? What a disappointment. Rating: 1 out of 5 stars. The one star is for the laugh I got when it called itself “cutting-edge.”